dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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