If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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