am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We need to get me chipped asap
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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