Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
