Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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