Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
