I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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