everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
