textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
