Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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