My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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