Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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