Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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