one might say we're banned from that church
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
