she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
