I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
