What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
