it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
