it wasn't lemon gatorade
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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