I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
