Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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