Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
