Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
