don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
