i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
