i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
try to milk me bitch
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