So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
