Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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