she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
