it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
