You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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