they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize