I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize