I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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