he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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