I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
