And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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