And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
