At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
