Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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