six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
