she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
