Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
