Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
and she was petting her beer can
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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