In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Randomize
