1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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