direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
