Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I have already put on my inside pants.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize