..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
