ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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