So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize