barbara walters just said penis...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
