I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
it's great music for shaving your balls
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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