How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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