Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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