Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
