I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
