I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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