Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
