Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
