I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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