so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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