Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
