Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
