I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Farmville is her only friend.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
