and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
