i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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