Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
