I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
