I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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