you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
