You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
