We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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