My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
