He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
