He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
