there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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