i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
