I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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