I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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