absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
