My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
