i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize