Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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