i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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