I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
