My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
being pregnant is like rehab
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
