I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
