i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
